July 6, in the morning
My angel, my all, my very self - Only a few words today and at that with
pencil (with yours) - Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely
determined upon - what a useless waste of time - Why this deep sorrow
when necessity speaks - can our love endure except through sacrifices,
through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the
fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine - Oh God, look out
into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must
be - Love demands everything and that very justly - thus it is to me
with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live
for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of
it as little as I - My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here
until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose
another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was
warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that
only made me the more eager - and I was wrong. The coach must needs
break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such
postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road.
Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight
horses that I had with four - Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I
always do when I successfully overcome difficulties - Now a quick change
to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other
soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had
during these last few days touching my own life - If our hearts were
always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of
so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that
speech amounts to nothing at all - Cheer up - remain my true, my only
treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for
us must and shall be -
Your faithful LUDWIG.
Evening, Monday, July 6
You are suffering, my dearest creature - only now have I learned that
letters must be posted very early in the morning on Mondays to Thursdays
- the only days on which the mail-coach goes from here to K. - You are
suffering - Ah, wherever I am, there you are also - I will arrange it
with you and me that I can live with you. What a life!!! thus!!! without
you - pursued by the goodness of mankind hither and thither - which I
as little want to deserve as I deserve it - Humility of man towards man -
it pains me - and when I consider myself in relation to the universe,
what am I and what is He - whom we call the greatest - and yet - herein
lies the divine in man - I weep when I reflect that you will probably
not receive the first report from me until Saturday - Much as you love
me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me - good
night - As I am taking the baths I must go to bed - Oh God - so near! so
far! Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as
the vault of heaven?
Good morning, on July 7
Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now
and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate
will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am
resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms
and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul
enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so
- You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No
one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must
one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a
wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the
unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be
so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach
goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive
the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our
existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love
me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my
life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the
most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours